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August 26, 2008

wedding bells (family, relationships)

my "family" is so fucked up.

sometime in may or june one of my sisters casually mentioned in an email to me the upcoming july wedding of another sister (a step-sister, actually, from my step-mother's brood).  at the time i had heard nothing about it, and it was taking place just a month or two down the road.  i thought maybe i would get a standard invitation, mailed from the u.s. to my u.s. mailbox or even to brazil, which of course would not have left me time enough to try to find the wherewithall to attend.  as it turned out, there were various snafus with my getting my forwarded mail, and nothing came directly to me in brazil.

then i saw pictures of the wedding on my neice's facebook, so i knew that it had taken place.  i began these recent u.s. travels with attendance at a family reunion on my mother's side, so the step-sister in reference wouldn't have been there, but i had asked my emailing sister to bring pictures of the wedding for me to see.  and now i have finally received all of my mail from both locations, and i apparently was not invited after all.  i have no idea what that's about.  of course, the invitation could have been lost in the mail.  however, in addition to no one informing me in advance about the wedding (whether or not the formal invitations had been mailed) so that as a low-income, international traveler i might have been able to make arrangements to attend, there is also the fact that no other family member mentioned it to me either before or afterwards.  it seems that they really didn't want me there.

i initially told my mother that i wouldn't be able to attend the family reunion because (1) i couldn't afford to return to the u.s. again so soon after just having gone back down to brazil and because (2) it was scheduled so early in the summer that it would have left me with too long a period of time in the u.s. during which i would have to look for places to sleep, since i already have to be here in november for medical appointments and other stuff.  she didn't offer me any help with regard to either problem.  instead, i later had a conversation with one of my best friends - the one who lives in connecticut - who said, "you ALWAYS have a place to stay", and invited me to come and spend a month with her as she could really use my help with her kids due to her work and school commitments over the next several weeks.  so i managed to get to my family reunion, which then turned out to include a surprise wedding my mother was planning to her long-time boyfriend.

thank god for my friends, and my boyfriend, and the many other people who enjoy my company, or i might truly be homeless instead of "technically" homeless.  every day i am reminded anew of how blessed i am to have them, and am given new reasons to treasure them in my life.

August 24, 2008

blue sky (spirituality)

i am traveling around the u.s. right now, visiting family and friends and getting a few other things done in the process.

yesterday i was at the yale university campus and found myself in the courtyard of the divinity school, where one of my dearest friends is earning her third master's degree.  i was sitting there on a bench and looked up at the steeple of the chapel, as my happy "neices" played with a kitten.  the sky was a beautiful blue, with wisps of clouds brushed through it here and there.  the air was clean and fresh, the trees and grass were a warm summer green, and the sun was bright.  it was a beautiful and peaceful place to be, and i suddenly thought:  i wonder if i'll be able to experience things like this when i die?  it wasn't a morbid thought, and my health has not taken a turn for the worse.  it was just a simple wondering that passed through my brain.

i hope i will.  those are probably the things that i will miss most when i die:  the simple pleasures.

August 03, 2008

a yahoo group posting (work)

this was a posting i placed on a yahoo group, where we were debating the relative value of professional licensure and the licensure laws that exist in the u.s. versus other countries.  again, i thought readers here might find it interesting:

"by way of background, i have both bachelor's and master's degrees in social work, with ten years of job experience in between the time i finished my bachelor's and started my master's, and now almost fifteen more years of work experience since being awarded my second degree.

"as a person who thinks and feels deeply and has had a number of interesting and challenging life experiences (beginning from the time i popped out of my mother's womb, i might add), i found much of the study material required to earn my bachelor's degree to be "common sense" and stuff that i could learn from independent reading and attending professional and personal growth workshops, and just plain living.

"then after getting my bachelor's degree, i worked on treatment teams in a myriad of settings with a tremendous variety of clients and patients who brought diverse problems and diagnoses to the table.  members of these teams included psychiatric nurses, master's level professionals, doctoral level psychologists as well as psychiatrists, all of whom were licensed and/or certified in their fields.  i found that the piece of paper and credentials that one holds do not necessarily mean anything in terms of one's ability to effectively and empathically engage with and treat clients/patients.  frankly, i was often appalled at the conduct of my colleagues, vis-a-vis each other and toward those same clients/patients.

"at one point i was working in an organization that paid licensed professionals much higher salaries than unlicensed professionals, and i happened to be living in a jurisdiction that offered a license for bachelor's level social workers.  i discovered that i was eligible for this “salary benefit" at the company.  five years after getting my BSW, i skimmed through my undergraduate textbooks over the course of two weeks, took the exam, passed in the 96th percentile, and got a salary increase of 40%, all in one fell swoop.  licensed or unlicensed, i was greatly respected by my coworkers and superiors for my clinical skills, and although most of my master's level peers resented it, my work was frequently acknowledged over theirs.

"that turn of events finally put me in a financial position to return to school to do my master’s.  master's programs in social work generally allow advanced placement for bachelor's level social workers, since the first year is designed for students who have not had previous academic learning in the social work field.  students with immeasurably less life, work and educational experience - i have always been a firm believer of continuing education and development, and have pursued it whether i was required to do so by a licensing board or not - were allowed to skip the first year, yet i was denied advance placement for the simple reason that it had been more than five years since i had earned my bachelor's degree.  this was despite the fact that i had earned my bachelor's level license within the previous five years and had been working in the real world for the past ten years; there were absolutely no exceptions.  (of course, i enquired.)  and i’m not talking about a well-recognized school here.  talk about having to jump through ridiculous, bureaucratic hoops.

"in graduate school, so much of the information presented by the professors, who in many cases had been out of the work world for years if not decades if they had ever been outside of academia at all, was slightly off or just plain wrong (names and side effects of psychotropic medications, for example) that i often felt like i was co-teaching my courses, particularly during the first year.  although some of my professors undoubtedly found me annoying, my fellow students enjoyed being in class with me, feeling like they learned so much more.  some professors would even call on me to help them address the questions of other students.

"based on some of the comments and questions i heard in class from some of my student colleagues, particularly in reference to their internship (i.e, real world) experiences, i couldn't believe they were being graduated as master's level social workers.  for example, some of their comments revealed gross ignorance about other peoples, places, cultures, religions, etc, if not outright ethnocentricism, and incredible naivite and preconceptions and stereotypes about what makes people tick (or not).  yet they were duly passed on through, because they technically made the grades, and most internship supervisors don't have the guts to flunk students.

"meanwhile, one of my internships was so cushy and i was was given so little to do that i saw no legitimate reason to stick rigidly to the hard-and-fast 50-minute per session rule.  my supervisor, who would call it a stressful day if she saw more than two clients and would otherwise sit in front of the door to the corridor where anyone passing by could hear her, making fun of clients, literally threatened to flunk me because of that.  she even went so far as to official writing me up.  how twisted is that?  granted, she was probably a lot more bothered by my not giving adequate weight to her concerns about it, but still, i thought it a bit much.  i duly became rigid about the 50-minute therapeutic hour.

"shortly after graduate school i moved to california, where there was an ongoing controversy over the oral portion of the licensure exam for social workers.  after having said all that i have said so far, i must admit that i fully supported the existence of the second exam, much to the dismay of many of my colleagues.  i supported it because i had seen so much incompetence among my professional peers and those with supposedly "higher" education and credentials than i had, and had heard so many of what i will call "horror stories" from clients about their past therapists (and i am referring here to conduct that was clearly actionable by legal or other authorities, not stuff that 'in my opinion ...'), that i felt like one more hoop was the least we as a profession could require of potential new members before they became licensed as psychotherapists.

"ironically enough, by that time i was doing a lot of administrative work and didn't prioritize getting licensed for so long that the oral exam questions were incorporated into the written exam and the separate oral portion was abolished by the board by the time i actually took the integrated licensure exam.  so, lucky for me, that was one less hoop that i personally had to pass through.

"i hope that i haven't sounded arrogant or full of myself herein; that really isn't my style.  my intention is to simply report my lived experience, as it relates to these topics.  my apologies to all of the hard-working, ethical, qualified mental health professionals on the list; obviously, none of this is about you, and none of it was meant to be taken personally.  as far as i know, none of you were my professors, instructors, student colleagues, or coworkers!

"my point in all this is:  i agree that we must have standards in the profession, and that we must hold people to those standards; and as proud as i am of my licensure and as dearly as i hold and uphold it, i also agree that licensing and credentialing are not necessarily the be-all and end-all, in the u.s. or in any other place in the world.

"that's a bit of my story, and i'm sticking to it.   :-)"

August 01, 2008

message on facebook to a new friend (relationships)

this is part of a message i wrote to someone i added as a friend on facebook.  i don't add anyone unless i know them, or unless they send me a personal message that makes them seem add-worthy (not that i'm all that or the message has to be all that; it's just a way of guarding against spammers and hackers and other nefarious types).  i decided to add this guy, and then he asked me more about me.  i thought my response might interest some readers here, especially since i haven't posted in a while.  at least it's something!   :-)

 

"you have indeed shared various personal tidbits, some hinting at more profound struggles, past and perhaps present, whereas i have been less forthcoming. i have appreciated your openness and sincerity, as i am much the same. it can take me a little bit to get started, however, especially with strangers and especially through this medium. people who know me and most people whom i meet one-on-one (as opposed to in group settings) would never describe me as shy or introverted or closed - very far from it, in fact - but people who don't know me can find me to be just that.

"blah, blah, blah.

"so anyway, about me? those questions are way too big to address in a facebook message, although i'll give it a shot. my life is a never-ending serious of interesting adventures - emotional, intellectual, spiritual, cultural, and so on - which i treasure despite the struggles and challenges that sometimes come with that orientation and way of operating. i am very much a person who lives my life instead of waiting for it to happen to me.

"i am currently dividing my time between san francisco and rio de janeiro, mostly working (when i do) online or on the computer as an online psychotherapist, online english conversation teacher, and writer. i'm currently working on some blogging, a memoire, and an advice column, as well as planning a webcast and trying to arrange more online psychotherapy work and consultation.  (but i only work about five hours a month at most right now.)

"it is much easier to say what i don't like than what i like, because that list is much shorter. it would include: yams and sweet potatos, except in lentil soup or veggie lasagne; opera and country music, except when it's live and the performer is tops; washing dishes, except when done with dear friends after a delicious meal together; republicans, humorless, aggressive or closed-minded individuals, except when these qualities represent fleeting lapses of judgement or when they have so many other redeeming qualities that in the balance i find them likable.

"what else? i can't think of anything else right now that i don't like ... although undoubtedly there are many. i'm undoubtedly having a momentary problem with my memory so that i can look good in this message.

"what makes me truly happy? in short: loving, learning and living. dear friends. children. mother nature. progressive politics. laughter. passionate sex. making a difference. discovering someone, something or some place interesting. understanding myself and others better. the touch of a loved one, spontaneous and unself-conscious. many things.

"i'll skip the question on losses for now. again, it's too complicated to answer in this forum. for now, suffice it to say that there have been many and varied, of all sorts, and that some i'm still processing and progressing beyond ...

"and now that you've done your daily quota of reading by perusing this long message, get your tight-but-previously-and-mistakenly -thought-to-be-flabby butt to work!"


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