restless in rio (relationships)
I’m on my way back to the U.S. after a few months in Brazil. Once again I’ve told my boyfriend that I am not coming back to his apartment upon my return. This time I mean it, though.
I just can’t take the roller-coaster ride of his emotions any more. He is alternatively verbally aggressive or abusive, then caring and affectionate. I’m emotionally exhausted. What I’ve realized, too, is that it has a tremendously negative effect on my mental health, and we all know how important eliminating stress is to one’s physical health. I guess I’m finally done.
I’m open to continuing to date him, to try again, to start over, really, but I’m not sure how that will go. I figure that with time he will realize how unhappy he is/was, and that will peter out as well. Right now he is being his sweet self, turning on the charm, trying to convince me to stay. He knows how to fight for this relationship. It’s just that as soon as he wins the battle, it is back to the way it was. We couldn’t even go three months without several crises.
The problem is, how am I going to survive now? I have been dependent upon him for a place to stay and usually for food as well – by about only halfway through the month. Can I pay bills on my own while I’m here? Should I put my stuff in storage now, or move it when I get back? And to where will I move it? How can I maintain an apartment here, by myself, while still going back to the U.S. for extended periods of time for medical treatment, tests, etc? It’s a little scary to think about, frankly. I guess that’s why I haven’t been thinking about it too much. It looks like I’m about to be homeless in two countries at the same time.
