November 20, 2008

an american experience (politics)

warning:  relatively long and potentially boring politically-oriented posting ahead about my experience working on the obama campaign.  proceed with caution.

i spent the last ten days of the recent election working on barack obama's campaign for change.  in a lifetime of activism for various causes which reflect my values - voting in every election without fail; making phone calls and writing letters to political leaders; responding to calls for comment on pending bills and regulations; showing up to be counted at demonstrations and gatherings; donating money; communicating to people i know about the issues, including through emails; and so on - i had never before worked for the campaign of an individual political candidate.

as i looked at whom to support in the primaries after my preferred candidate dropped out, i found myself inspired by barack obama in a way that i have never before been inspired by a political candidate.  he is a politician, of course, yet throughout his campaign he displayed an incredible intelligence, grace, tenacity, insight, sensitivity and maturity that continually surprised and moved me, especially as his opponents got increasingly nasty with each passing day of the primary and general election campaigns.

when i realized that i would be in the u.s. during the election, i decided i would do as much as i possibly could to make sure that barack obama would be our next president.  despite my low income, i even gave money to the campaign.  what i really had to give, though, was my time and energy.  in order to provide assistance where it was most needed, i considered traveling to three battleground states where i had "connections":  michigan, because i grew up there; missouri, because my mother is from there and my grandmother still lives there; and florida, as that is where my mother (and one of my dearest friends) lives now.

then mccain pulled his campaign out of michigan and that state seemed increasingly likely to move into the obama column.  missouri seemed least likely to go that way and, frankly, i thought it might feel a little strange doing obama campaign work in a state where my staunch republican grandmother lives.  so i resolved to work to make sure that florida went the right way in this election - and that way i could hopefully visit with my mother and friend somewhere along the way as well.

i was a little anxious about making such a big commitment because of the physical challenges that i have on my plate, but i was willing to do whatever i could.  a generous donor through www.travelforchange.org provided a plane ticket with his frequent flyer miles, and i arrived in orlando about ten days before the election.

the campaign coordinator for central florida wanted me in the kissimmee office, which wasn't exactly within commuting distance of my friend's house.  hoping to remain closer to my friend's house, i asked them to double check on whether or not that was really where i was most needed.  it's on the other side of orlando from where tristen lives and my lack of access to a car and rush hour traffic would have made commuting impossible, so i also let them know that i would need a place to stay in the kissimmee area if i were to be assigned to that office.  the answer came back that they really wanted me in the kissimmee office, and they arranged for a family in that area to put me up for the duration of my stay.

my luggage had not arrived when i did so i was "stuck" at my friend's house on sunday, waiting for my bags to show up.  i was grateful for having an excuse not to rush down to the campaign office to start work, because that way she and i had a day to spend together with no worries.  the bags were finally delivered about 24 hours after i arrived, and on monday i made my way to the campaign office and to my host family's house.

one never knows what to expect when walking into the home of a stranger.  well, i couldn't have asked for nicer hosts.  they let me come and go as i needed to and were extremely solicitous of my needs, much beyond what i would have imagined or expected.  they asked me about my diet before planning their dinner menus for the week, although i was only able to make it "home" for dinner once during the entire time i was there.  they made sure that i wanted for nothing, at least for the little time i was actually at their house.  they were very welcoming and simply wonderful.

the first few days i told my colleagues in the office that i would come in when i got up in the morning but would make no commitment to an arrival time, but that they could have me all day thereafter until i ran out of steam.  those first few days i was always there by noon and didn't leave the office until at least midnight.  when another out-of-state volunteer showed up, my "supervisor" joked that my competition had arrived, and we kept up a running joke about who would win the contest for best all around out-of-state volunteer.

we were wonderfully diverse in every way, the paid staff, the volunteers and the group as a whole:  age; gender; sexual orientation; race and ethnicity; national origin; education; class; you name it - even a nudist from the nudist colony down the street from disney world, although he put on clothes to come to work at the campaign office.  it was a breath of fresh air in these times when people can be so focused on our differences and so cynical about whether or not diverse individuals can truly come together in a common effort.

in any case, while still in san francisco i heard about hillary and barack coming to orlando, and was bummed that i would be missing that rally.  so i was excited to find out a day or two after my arrival that bill clinton would be making his first campaign appearance with barack obama right there in kissimmee, late on wednesday night.  at the rally, we were the worker bees, responsible for making sure the rally ran smoothly and the campaign's goals for it were met, and it seemed that there would be little opportunity to meet the candidate and the former president, much less witness the rally.

i was on the volunteer sign-up team, and we made contact with every one of the 35,000 people who showed up at that rally to invite them to volunteer in those final days of the campaign.  we were still seeking campaign volunteers even at that late date.  there was more to do than you could have imagined, in what was probably the largest and most effective get-out-the-vote effort in our history.

wendy was one of the supervolunteers who also was working full-time, unpaid for the campaign and became one of my main supports in the office.  she had bought me a cool obama button from one of the many vendors who had invaded the site, all trying to make a buck off of the campaign.  at one point one of them, trying to close the sale, had said to me, “come on, man, help us out”.  he happened to be black, but as far as i knew he was not a campaign volunteer.  who was this “us” he was talking about?  I asked him directly - you know me - “who’s ‘us’?”  he came clean and said, “okay:  help ME out”.  i liked his buttons and his honesty sealed the deal for wendy, who purchased one for me and one for her.  another campaign staffer had given me another cool button, and wendy had given me yet another button from her personal collection.

as i went through the crowd, a couple of volunteer prospects wanted me to sell them my groovy buttons.  i didn’t feel right about that as (1) they had been gifts, (2) i had not paid for them, and (3) more than that, i really liked them and wanted to keep them.  in the end, though, i gave every one of my buttons away in exchange for a commitment from one of those rally attendees to volunteer for the campaign.  if a button was what they needed as an enticement to help us change history, then it was the least i could give up, albeit reluctantly.  i knew that every body, every vote made a difference.  when i told my benefactors that i had given those buttons away, they weren’t too happy but understood my perspective and forgave me.

once the crowd got into the rally site, our assigned task was completed.  there was more that we could have been pulled into doing, but wendy and i were exhausted and decided to slip into the rally - with the permission of our team leader, of course.  she and i walked through the metal detectors and down the path that had been carved out between the general public and the media platform, making our way to the area that had been set aside for us and other assorted semi-vip types.

as we made our way to our assigned area, wendy ran into someone she knew right in front of the podium.  there were about fifty people between us and where obama would be speaking.  we made ourselves look busy right there and didn't move another inch.  the secret service didn't seem too pleased but they mostly left us alone.  it was a great vantage point to see clinton and obama.  shortly thereafter they appeared, and both were eloquent and forceful in their words.  nevertheless, they didn't say much that hadn't already been said in that long, drawn-out campaign.  even so it was a treat to be there, and to be so close on top of that.  they both spoke briefly, made their way back down the runway, and suddenly stepped into the space between the stage and the crowd to shake hands.

the crowd had already started to thin out while obama was speaking.  i thought it was a little strange:  you wait in line for hours to see the guy and then while he is speaking, you walk out?  besides that, the second he stopped speaking many others began making a beeline for the exits.  in other words, the relatively small crowd in front of where i was standing had quickly started to thin out.  i stood my ground and kept watching.  the moment i saw clinton and obama step off the stage and swing around to pass in front of the crowd, i started making my way to the front of the gathered assembly.  i got to within maybe ten feet of them, as both obama and clinton passed by shaking hands.  i wasn’t quite close enough to get a handshake, but it was still pretty exciting.

later i heard some other volunteers complaining that they worked the whole rally and didn’t get a chance to see or hear anything.  one of the other supervolunteers, as we called the unpaid staff who showed the type of extraordinary commitment to the campaign that people like wendy showed, went so far as to say that she was done, that she was not going to be working even one more day for the campaign because she didn’t get a chance to enjoy the rally.  to an extent i can understand feeling entitled to a perk like that, to something special after all you have done, or wanting to be compensated in that way for all your hard work.  sure, they flew in just in time for the rally (why do you think it was scheduled at 11:00pm, anyway?) and flew out early the next morning for more campaign appearances, but they were right there in kissimmee.

on the other hand, is that really the pay-off for which you are working?  would you really be willing to call off your efforts because of that, when the bigger prize has not yet been gained?  besides that, i couldn’t help thinking that if that was really what was most important to them, why didn’t they make it happen?  i didn’t even have to work too hard at all and i managed to get within a few feet of them.

the actor jimmy smits, who had also spoken at the kissimmee rally, came to the campaign office the next day.  he was such a regular guy, very warm and friendly and relaxed.  he made a point of introducing himself to everyone:  “hi, i’m jimmy”.  that was nice to see, since we hear about so many celebrity horror stories.  the head of the kissimmee office asked him to call our disappointed supervolunteer at work before he left, and he did, going into a private area to speak with her and talking with her at some length before sitting down with the media for an interview in a side office.  that must have rejuvenated her because she came back strong and worked full throttle through until victory.

some days i spent canvassing (going door-to-door), some days i spent on the phones, some days i spent doing data entry.  i did whatever was needed at the time, and whatever was asked of me.  i wasn’t there to have my ego stroked or to be a diva; i was there to ensure that barack obama would be elected our next president.  i was quickly asked to take on some minor leadership roles in the office, leading a few teams and participating in planning meetings with the central florida and statewide campaign staff.  most of these meetings were held on speaker phone and since i could barely understand what they were saying it seemed like a waste of my time and i begged off as much as i could, relying on others to pass along the direction.  it was nice to feel appreciated and to know that i was a valued member of the team.

each day of canvassing involved a separate task, and each day we attempted to hit every door in our turf.  this literally meant knocking on thousands of doors every day.  our team alone had i would guess about five thousand doors to target every day.  first it was about getting folks out for early voting, making sure they knew where to go, making sure they had rides, and answering any question they might have.  basically our job was to do whatever was necessary to identify every obama supporter and make sure that their vote got counted, by any means necessary.

at times it could seem redundant knocking on the same doors and covering and recovering the same territory, but every day we encountered someone who was really glad to see us for the help or information that we could provide.  there were people who didn’t know where their polling place was.  there were people who thought they had to have their voter registration card to vote.  there were people who had lost their absentee ballots and didn’t know what to do.  there were people who had no way to get to the polls.  we handled every problem that came up, and each day we knew we were getting closer and closer to the final result.

we ran out of yard signs.  it seemed that the mccain supporters were pulling our signs down.  we kept hearing these reports and we couldn’t replace them fast enough.  some of the polling places were literally plastered with mccain signs, because every time we put up obama signs, the next day they would be torn down and replaced by a mccain sign.  we never heard any reports of obama supporters pulling down mccain signs (nor saw any evidence of that, since mccain signs were everywhere).  was the mccain camp smelling defeat, and getting angry and resentful?  i think that might have been part of it.  you also didn’t hear too many boo’s at obama rallies when mccain’s name was mentioned, live or on broadcast media; we all know what you would hear at mccain rallies when obama’s name was mentioned ("terrorist!"  "kill him!"  and other such ugly exclamations).  this seemed to me to reflect one more fundamental difference between many of the people who supported mccain and many who supported obama, although i’m not quite sure how to characterize these differences.

then the day or two before election day, another factor came into play:  obama supporters were taking obama signs from the polling places, since the campaign offices were out of materials and they wanted a souvenir from what was more and more feeling like history in the making.  some of my colleagues were frustrated by the lack of signage at the polling places.  personally, i didn’t care.  do people really vote based on how many yard signs they see in their neighborhoods or at the polling places?  i hope not, and i felt confident that we were accumulating the votes that we needed for obama.

as the days wore on it became harder and harder to get the rest and the sleep that i needed.  by friday, my feet were sore.  it didn't make sense.  i guess i didn’t realize how much i was on my feet in the office even when i wasn’t out canvassing:  greeting visitors and volunteers; training groups to go out in the field; checking volunteers back in after their shifts; jumping up to answer the phone or seek someone out to get a question answered; and so on.  like i said, there was an incredible amount of work to be done.

each day brought more pressure to work longer and harder.  the goal was in sight, if we could only push ourselves all the way through to the end.  i resisted the pressure as much as I could and kept my health challenges to myself, but i could tell that the staff was beginning to think i was just being contrary, oppositional.  still, it was getting so that i would wake up, go to the office, work all day, go home, take a shower and get into bed, only to do it all again the next day.  my body wouldn’t let me sleep more than six hours a night, but that was not enough.  it was like i was running on auto-pilot, fueled by adrenaline.  usually i was home by 12 midnight or 1:00am, while the paid staff invariably stayed until 2:00am or 3:00am, or even later.

some days i didn’t have breakfast before noon – something i could scrounge up at the office, of course.  some days food runs would be off-schedule, and i would go without food for several hours, until i couldn’t manage any longer and had to find something to eat.  it didn’t feel like i was ignoring my self-care, since i didn’t seem to be able to sleep any more than those five or six hours a night anyway, even when i thought i wanted to, and i usually managed to stop for food right away when i was hungry.  it was like a higher purpose took over, and i just kept going.  at the same time i could tell that i was losing steam.  what was amazing to me was that there were people in the office who had been doing it longer and sleeping less than i was.  some of them were much, much younger than me, but not all of them, and i don’t remember being able to do that even when i was their ages.  their energy, focus, determination and commitment were absolutely amazing.

i (we!) have never been more glad to arrive at the end of daylight savings time, “falling back” the saturday night before the election to get a much needed extra hour of sleep.  what a godsend that was ...

on the monday before election day, i hit a wall.  i was exhausted and my feet were hurting badly.  i decided to confide in my supervisor about my medical problems so that she wouldn’t question my commitment and know that i wasn’t just trying to coast or goof off or something.  i asked to be allowed to sit down and to take it easy as much as possible.  with the tasks on my plate that day it seemed a reasonable request, and it worked out fine.  i eventually took off my shoes and walked barefoot around the office; those of you who know me well know that i have a prissy side and know that that is not me at all.  nevertheless, my feet were screaming to be liberated from my shoes and i didn’t have my flip-flops with me.  i did what i had to do.

that day a new volunteer came into the office and i was asked to give her some tasks to do.  it was nice to see more workers coming, especially at that late date, and especially since I had been thinking earlier that day, “i hope those people i gave my buttons to actually followed through and did some volunteer work.”   later we had a delivery of food from another fabulous volunteer who had prepared an incredible spread of sirloin tips, mashed potatoes, two kinds of salad, and more, all homemade, one more person who went way above and beyond the call of duty.  i went downstairs for some much needed nourishment.

the new volunteer came up to me and asked, “were you recruiting volunteers at the kissimmee rally?”  despite my being without my hat and glasses and without the extra layers i was wearing on the cold night of the rally, she had recognized my voice and face.  the instant the words came out of her mouth i recognized her, too, and exclaimed, “oh, my god!  you were one of the people I gave my buttons to!”  it was a very happy, very rewarding moment for me.  i dragged her over and introduced her to wendy, and only then did i notice that she had one of my distinctive, beloved buttons pinned to her shirt at the time.

that night it seemed that i might actually be able to get out of there earlier than usual.  meanwhile, i had heard some rumblings about their wanting us to be back in the office at 5:00am on election day.  there was no way i was going to do that.  later i was hearing 6:00.  i had begun to feel a bit more energy and was hoping that i wouldn’t be a complete wreck on election day, with all of the work that we had ahead of us, and i didn't want to spoil it by cutting my sleep short that night.  finally we got word that it was to be 7:00.  i still had my doubts that I could do it – and then the night dragged on and we didn’t get out of there as early as we had initially thought.

i was playfully non-committal to the 7:00am arrival time.  one of the big bosses tried to empower me to break through my resistance, shall we say, and i listened politely and respectfully – and remained non-committal.  my supervisor asked me if i thought 8:00am was doable, and i told her that i would do my best, all of the while thinking that between 9:00 and 9:30 would probably be more like it.  well, i woke up at around 7:30 and as usual was unable to get back to sleep.  i got up and took my morning walk to the office, was there before 8:30, and i was fine.  apparently i had got a bit of a second wind.

on election day, i continued to try to take it a bit easy.  however, as the day wore on we cleared the office completely and basically all of us were in the streets, regardless of volunteer assignment or job title, locating every last obama supporter and making sure they got to the polls.  this was the final stretch of a serious get-out-the-vote effort, and we all had to be on it.  a volunteer with wheels had come into the office, so i could catch a ride with him and we could go out together.  i grabbed the turf lists for a neighborhood that hadn’t been well covered before.  our previous volunteers had reported that it was too confusing, that the complex was enormous and they couldn’t figure out the addresses, blah, blah, blah.

it was confusing, to be sure, but after a few minutes my canvassing partner and i figured it out and started hitting the doors, zooming from one to the next, he with his youthful energy and i with my determination to push it through until the end.  no one was home, anywhere, or they had already voted.  was this final push really needed?  finally i hit a door about an hour before the polls closed, a new resident who didn’t know where her polling place was.  i gave her the information and called the office to have them google the directions for her.  much to my chagrin, no one was in the office answering the phone!  luckily, she had a computer at home and went right to it and was on her way.

a half hour before the polls closed i hit the jackpot.  there were four registered voters present at the address, none of whom had voted yet, all obama supporters, with no ride to the polls.  i immediately called the ride coordinator, who happened to be canvassing in the very same complex.  he was there within minutes, with two other voters already in tow.  my partner offered to take the overflow in his car.  off they went and i kept knocking on doors until they could pick me back up at the time the polls closed.

the comments from people were almost universally positive.  even the majority of the mccain supporters were polite and civil – most of them.  every day people would see us in the street and shout words of encouragement and support.  it was a good feeling.  later i found out that the youngest voter in the group that day was told at the precinct that they couldn’t find her registration.  the obama campaign had stationed lawyers at every single precinct in florida on election day, and at every supervisor of elections office throughout the state for every day of the voting and vote counting.  we rendered it impossible for the republicans and the mccain camp to steal the florida vote this election.  (i believe the same was true in ohio and other battleground states.)   more than once i had run a situation by those legal advisors or connected a caller on the line with them, or advised callers to find them at their polling place in case of any problems after going over their particular situation with them.

the lawyer posted at that polling place instructed my canvassing partner to get that voter over to the supervisor of elections office post-haste, and off he went.  they made it just in time before the doors closed, and she was the very last person in line to vote on election day in the supervisor of elections office in osceola county, florida.  when she got to the desk, the clerk did manage to confirm her registration after some difficulty, so with her student i.d. card and bank debit card as proof of her identity, she voted for the first time in her life, for barack obama.  the clerk slipped my partner a very discrete, celebratory high five.

after they came to get me, we all made our way to the nearest precinct.  our duties at that point consisted of providing drinks and snack for the voters still standing in line, to encourage every obama voter to stay until they had been able to cast their vote, that sort of thing.  i was hoping we wouldn’t have to come up with a cheerleading routine to boot.  well, when we got there the doors were closed with not a single person waiting in line, and only five voters still inside casting their ballots.  this was one election it appears the state of florida did right – with the obama campaign on the case.

then it was back to the campaign office to call voters in the florida panhandle, which is in a different time zone and where the polls were still open, to ask them if they had voted and to do what we could from afar to facilitate their voting.  then we started calling colorado and nevada voters.  when would it stop, already?  we slowly but surely petered out, out of simple exhaustion, knowing that those homes had been contacted or called many times already, and knowing that we had already done all that we could, that we just needed to wait for the result to show up.

some of us were a little nervous but we remained cautiously optimistic.  how could we not be after all we had been through and done?  we went to the office and began to watch the returns come it.  colleagues started calling us from the home of another volunteer, one of those big houses on a florida lake, and we decided we needed to get out of that office and into a more comfortable environment.  not long after our arrival, to our surprise the election was called, and with almost no glitches in the process.  after many animated phone calls to friends and loved ones, we watched mccain's and obama's speeches.  we had done it.  we had taken our country back.

you can’t tell me that we didn’t make a difference.  in fact, we made an enormous difference.  one might say we made ALL the difference.  i saw it first-hand.  we made history.

 

epilogue:

on november 5th, i crashed.  I had a headache and a stomach ache, and could barely eat.  I was plainly, simply, completely exhausted.  it feels like i am still trying to catch up on my rest from those two intense weeks.
on the monday before election day i found myself thinking about the sacrifice that i was making, and how i might have been risking my health.  my thoughts turned to barack obama and all that he was sacrificing for the campaign.  the reality is that the u.s. has more than its fair share of right-wing and racist haters and nut cases, and – without meaning to sound corny or airy-fairy or melodramatic – obama was and is potentially sacrificing his life for his country, for his beliefs, for change, for our future, for us.  I decided that if he could do that, i could do what relatively little I was doing, too.

and yes, i do believe that this election was that important, on the heels of what will certainly go down in history as one of the most disastrous presidencies (and one of the most socially and culturally conflictual periods) we have ever experienced as a country and as a people.

and no, i don’t dwell on my concerns about obama’s safety, and don’t like to talk much about it, in fact.  i don’t want it to be my focus or to become a pervasive thought in my head.  instead I am simply acknowledging reality.  just as it was my actions that helped get him elected, it is my actions – or inactions – that will keep him safe.  i am taking personal responsibility for the hopes and dreams that i have, for myself, for my loved ones, for president obama's success, for my country.  that is partly why i am planning to move back to the u.s. in the spring.

and yes, i was the outstanding out-of-state volunteer.  my supervisor sent me a note recently:  "i just wanted you to know that you won.  you're the best!"

August 26, 2008

wedding bells (family, relationships)

my "family" is so fucked up.

sometime in may or june one of my sisters casually mentioned in an email to me the upcoming july wedding of another sister (a step-sister, actually, from my step-mother's brood).  at the time i had heard nothing about it, and it was taking place just a month or two down the road.  i thought maybe i would get a standard invitation, mailed from the u.s. to my u.s. mailbox or even to brazil, which of course would not have left me time enough to try to find the wherewithall to attend.  as it turned out, there were various snafus with my getting my forwarded mail, and nothing came directly to me in brazil.

then i saw pictures of the wedding on my neice's facebook, so i knew that it had taken place.  i began these recent u.s. travels with attendance at a family reunion on my mother's side, so the step-sister in reference wouldn't have been there, but i had asked my emailing sister to bring pictures of the wedding for me to see.  and now i have finally received all of my mail from both locations, and i apparently was not invited after all.  i have no idea what that's about.  of course, the invitation could have been lost in the mail.  however, in addition to no one informing me in advance about the wedding (whether or not the formal invitations had been mailed) so that as a low-income, international traveler i might have been able to make arrangements to attend, there is also the fact that no other family member mentioned it to me either before or afterwards.  it seems that they really didn't want me there.

i initially told my mother that i wouldn't be able to attend the family reunion because (1) i couldn't afford to return to the u.s. again so soon after just having gone back down to brazil and because (2) it was scheduled so early in the summer that it would have left me with too long a period of time in the u.s. during which i would have to look for places to sleep, since i already have to be here in november for medical appointments and other stuff.  she didn't offer me any help with regard to either problem.  instead, i later had a conversation with one of my best friends - the one who lives in connecticut - who said, "you ALWAYS have a place to stay", and invited me to come and spend a month with her as she could really use my help with her kids due to her work and school commitments over the next several weeks.  so i managed to get to my family reunion, which then turned out to include a surprise wedding my mother was planning to her long-time boyfriend.

thank god for my friends, and my boyfriend, and the many other people who enjoy my company, or i might truly be homeless instead of "technically" homeless.  every day i am reminded anew of how blessed i am to have them, and am given new reasons to treasure them in my life.

August 24, 2008

blue sky (spirituality)

i am traveling around the u.s. right now, visiting family and friends and getting a few other things done in the process.

yesterday i was at the yale university campus and found myself in the courtyard of the divinity school, where one of my dearest friends is earning her third master's degree.  i was sitting there on a bench and looked up at the steeple of the chapel, as my happy "neices" played with a kitten.  the sky was a beautiful blue, with wisps of clouds brushed through it here and there.  the air was clean and fresh, the trees and grass were a warm summer green, and the sun was bright.  it was a beautiful and peaceful place to be, and i suddenly thought:  i wonder if i'll be able to experience things like this when i die?  it wasn't a morbid thought, and my health has not taken a turn for the worse.  it was just a simple wondering that passed through my brain.

i hope i will.  those are probably the things that i will miss most when i die:  the simple pleasures.

August 03, 2008

a yahoo group posting (work)

this was a posting i placed on a yahoo group, where we were debating the relative value of professional licensure and the licensure laws that exist in the u.s. versus other countries.  again, i thought readers here might find it interesting:

"by way of background, i have both bachelor's and master's degrees in social work, with ten years of job experience in between the time i finished my bachelor's and started my master's, and now almost fifteen more years of work experience since being awarded my second degree.

"as a person who thinks and feels deeply and has had a number of interesting and challenging life experiences (beginning from the time i popped out of my mother's womb, i might add), i found much of the study material required to earn my bachelor's degree to be "common sense" and stuff that i could learn from independent reading and attending professional and personal growth workshops, and just plain living.

"then after getting my bachelor's degree, i worked on treatment teams in a myriad of settings with a tremendous variety of clients and patients who brought diverse problems and diagnoses to the table.  members of these teams included psychiatric nurses, master's level professionals, doctoral level psychologists as well as psychiatrists, all of whom were licensed and/or certified in their fields.  i found that the piece of paper and credentials that one holds do not necessarily mean anything in terms of one's ability to effectively and empathically engage with and treat clients/patients.  frankly, i was often appalled at the conduct of my colleagues, vis-a-vis each other and toward those same clients/patients.

"at one point i was working in an organization that paid licensed professionals much higher salaries than unlicensed professionals, and i happened to be living in a jurisdiction that offered a license for bachelor's level social workers.  i discovered that i was eligible for this “salary benefit" at the company.  five years after getting my BSW, i skimmed through my undergraduate textbooks over the course of two weeks, took the exam, passed in the 96th percentile, and got a salary increase of 40%, all in one fell swoop.  licensed or unlicensed, i was greatly respected by my coworkers and superiors for my clinical skills, and although most of my master's level peers resented it, my work was frequently acknowledged over theirs.

"that turn of events finally put me in a financial position to return to school to do my master’s.  master's programs in social work generally allow advanced placement for bachelor's level social workers, since the first year is designed for students who have not had previous academic learning in the social work field.  students with immeasurably less life, work and educational experience - i have always been a firm believer of continuing education and development, and have pursued it whether i was required to do so by a licensing board or not - were allowed to skip the first year, yet i was denied advance placement for the simple reason that it had been more than five years since i had earned my bachelor's degree.  this was despite the fact that i had earned my bachelor's level license within the previous five years and had been working in the real world for the past ten years; there were absolutely no exceptions.  (of course, i enquired.)  and i’m not talking about a well-recognized school here.  talk about having to jump through ridiculous, bureaucratic hoops.

"in graduate school, so much of the information presented by the professors, who in many cases had been out of the work world for years if not decades if they had ever been outside of academia at all, was slightly off or just plain wrong (names and side effects of psychotropic medications, for example) that i often felt like i was co-teaching my courses, particularly during the first year.  although some of my professors undoubtedly found me annoying, my fellow students enjoyed being in class with me, feeling like they learned so much more.  some professors would even call on me to help them address the questions of other students.

"based on some of the comments and questions i heard in class from some of my student colleagues, particularly in reference to their internship (i.e, real world) experiences, i couldn't believe they were being graduated as master's level social workers.  for example, some of their comments revealed gross ignorance about other peoples, places, cultures, religions, etc, if not outright ethnocentricism, and incredible naivite and preconceptions and stereotypes about what makes people tick (or not).  yet they were duly passed on through, because they technically made the grades, and most internship supervisors don't have the guts to flunk students.

"meanwhile, one of my internships was so cushy and i was was given so little to do that i saw no legitimate reason to stick rigidly to the hard-and-fast 50-minute per session rule.  my supervisor, who would call it a stressful day if she saw more than two clients and would otherwise sit in front of the door to the corridor where anyone passing by could hear her, making fun of clients, literally threatened to flunk me because of that.  she even went so far as to official writing me up.  how twisted is that?  granted, she was probably a lot more bothered by my not giving adequate weight to her concerns about it, but still, i thought it a bit much.  i duly became rigid about the 50-minute therapeutic hour.

"shortly after graduate school i moved to california, where there was an ongoing controversy over the oral portion of the licensure exam for social workers.  after having said all that i have said so far, i must admit that i fully supported the existence of the second exam, much to the dismay of many of my colleagues.  i supported it because i had seen so much incompetence among my professional peers and those with supposedly "higher" education and credentials than i had, and had heard so many of what i will call "horror stories" from clients about their past therapists (and i am referring here to conduct that was clearly actionable by legal or other authorities, not stuff that 'in my opinion ...'), that i felt like one more hoop was the least we as a profession could require of potential new members before they became licensed as psychotherapists.

"ironically enough, by that time i was doing a lot of administrative work and didn't prioritize getting licensed for so long that the oral exam questions were incorporated into the written exam and the separate oral portion was abolished by the board by the time i actually took the integrated licensure exam.  so, lucky for me, that was one less hoop that i personally had to pass through.

"i hope that i haven't sounded arrogant or full of myself herein; that really isn't my style.  my intention is to simply report my lived experience, as it relates to these topics.  my apologies to all of the hard-working, ethical, qualified mental health professionals on the list; obviously, none of this is about you, and none of it was meant to be taken personally.  as far as i know, none of you were my professors, instructors, student colleagues, or coworkers!

"my point in all this is:  i agree that we must have standards in the profession, and that we must hold people to those standards; and as proud as i am of my licensure and as dearly as i hold and uphold it, i also agree that licensing and credentialing are not necessarily the be-all and end-all, in the u.s. or in any other place in the world.

"that's a bit of my story, and i'm sticking to it.   :-)"

August 01, 2008

message on facebook to a new friend (relationships)

this is part of a message i wrote to someone i added as a friend on facebook.  i don't add anyone unless i know them, or unless they send me a personal message that makes them seem add-worthy (not that i'm all that or the message has to be all that; it's just a way of guarding against spammers and hackers and other nefarious types).  i decided to add this guy, and then he asked me more about me.  i thought my response might interest some readers here, especially since i haven't posted in a while.  at least it's something!   :-)

 

"you have indeed shared various personal tidbits, some hinting at more profound struggles, past and perhaps present, whereas i have been less forthcoming. i have appreciated your openness and sincerity, as i am much the same. it can take me a little bit to get started, however, especially with strangers and especially through this medium. people who know me and most people whom i meet one-on-one (as opposed to in group settings) would never describe me as shy or introverted or closed - very far from it, in fact - but people who don't know me can find me to be just that.

"blah, blah, blah.

"so anyway, about me? those questions are way too big to address in a facebook message, although i'll give it a shot. my life is a never-ending serious of interesting adventures - emotional, intellectual, spiritual, cultural, and so on - which i treasure despite the struggles and challenges that sometimes come with that orientation and way of operating. i am very much a person who lives my life instead of waiting for it to happen to me.

"i am currently dividing my time between san francisco and rio de janeiro, mostly working (when i do) online or on the computer as an online psychotherapist, online english conversation teacher, and writer. i'm currently working on some blogging, a memoire, and an advice column, as well as planning a webcast and trying to arrange more online psychotherapy work and consultation.  (but i only work about five hours a month at most right now.)

"it is much easier to say what i don't like than what i like, because that list is much shorter. it would include: yams and sweet potatos, except in lentil soup or veggie lasagne; opera and country music, except when it's live and the performer is tops; washing dishes, except when done with dear friends after a delicious meal together; republicans, humorless, aggressive or closed-minded individuals, except when these qualities represent fleeting lapses of judgement or when they have so many other redeeming qualities that in the balance i find them likable.

"what else? i can't think of anything else right now that i don't like ... although undoubtedly there are many. i'm undoubtedly having a momentary problem with my memory so that i can look good in this message.

"what makes me truly happy? in short: loving, learning and living. dear friends. children. mother nature. progressive politics. laughter. passionate sex. making a difference. discovering someone, something or some place interesting. understanding myself and others better. the touch of a loved one, spontaneous and unself-conscious. many things.

"i'll skip the question on losses for now. again, it's too complicated to answer in this forum. for now, suffice it to say that there have been many and varied, of all sorts, and that some i'm still processing and progressing beyond ...

"and now that you've done your daily quota of reading by perusing this long message, get your tight-but-previously-and-mistakenly -thought-to-be-flabby butt to work!"

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